Global Community Communications Alliance Member Profile
Kazarian
On a bright sunny day in the summer of 1978, my sweet mother took me down to the seashore and gently washed my little three month-old head in the salt water three times. No grand cathedral, no officiating priest, no altar or candles—just God, my mother, myself and the sea. Mom knew that I was not hers. As the waves lapped against the strand, she confirmed through the sacred act of baptism that my life, my soul was devoted to God. It took me a little longer to confirm this fact myself.
I grew up in Friday Harbor, an ex-fishing village cum tourist town in the San Juan Islands, a small archipelago nestled in Washington State's Northwestern-most corner. I attended church services with my mother and participated in many of the programs that our local church offered. My father has been a Urantia Book reader since 1976, two years before I was born. He always made the revelation available to me, but never forced it on me. I went to an occasional study-group meeting at my dad's house, but usually found it to be a bit daunting to say the least. I was never an especially religious child and for many years considered God to be a mere myth of the human mind.
When I was ten, I went on a road trip with my mother and step-father through the Western states. We drove south through Washington, Oregon, California, across Nevada, into Utah, and all-around Arizona. I have a very significant memory from this journey. It was hot. We were driving in a small, white Mercury Lynx, with dark blue vinyl upholstery and no air conditioning. I had stripped off all but my drawers trying too stay cool. As I was lying down in the back seat, my mom mentioned that we were entering Sedona. I sat up, looked around, and muttered under my breath, "Sedona, I think I'll live here when I get older." This memory didn't cross my mind until I had moved to Sedona over six years later.
As I came into the turbulent times of puberty, I stumbled over a creative outlet that would bring me increased stability and focus during those confusing years of self-finding and identity-seeking. I fell in love with the theatrical arts. I found comfort onstage and a sense of belonging. As I began to see signs of hypocrisy in the Church, I found purity in the performing arts. The theater was my church. I used to spend hours alone in the auditorium, in silent reflection and quiet meditation.
It was in the theater that I first thought that I could have had past lives. I was just about to go onstage with a dear friend of mine. He looked deeply into my eyes and said, "I think that you and I have done this before." I wasn't sure what he meant and gave him a puzzled look. "You know," he continued, "past lives." For whatever reason, I agreed. Today, I feel confident that we have worked together in lives past.
During these days of discovery I began to feel the power of true conviction. One night I sat down to watch a television special on deforestation and the depletion of the Amazon rainforest. By the end of the program, I was moved to tears. It was the harbinger of my mission as a destiny reservist. I knew that I needed to save the planet and enlist others in this great global environmental struggle. I telephoned everyone that I could think of, looking for support in my great mission to save the world. Only one young man joined me on my eco-crusade. Andy and I grew inseparable. We used to listen to John Lennon and Imagine a future of peace and environmental stability. Occasionally we would find ourselves driving past the oil refineries in Anacortes, Washington. We vowed, beneath the billowing black smoke, that one day those smoke stacks would burn incense and make the whole world fragrant. We knew the world needed change, but we didn't know how to bring that change about. You may say we were dreamers, but we weren't the only ones...
Over the next few years I went through my obligatory phases of teenage rebellion; experimentation and wild oat-sowing. I lost hope in the promise of recycling and carpooling and escaped the troubles of the world through lust, fun, and the theater. It became increasingly obvious to me and others that my future was to be found in the performing arts. My mom would always counsel me to "thank your mother" whenever I accepted a Grammy or an Oscar. Her expectations and mine were to follow fame and fortune while pursuing my passion. How do you make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.
In the spring of 1994 my father came to me with startling news. He and his wife were selling their land and moving to a spiritual community in Sedona, Arizona. Needless to say, this decision was a surprise to all of my family and friends, and was certainly a surprise to me. At the time, my father wanted me to finish high school in Friday Harbor and continue my theatrical, artistic, and scholastic pursuits. I was fifteen years old, finishing my sophomore year of high school with a 3.5 GPA. I was president of my class, in a relationship with an incredible high school sweetheart, and was well-loved and respected in my home-town. Life was good.
I had made plans to take the train down to Arizona and visit my father in Sedona through the month of July. As the train was pulling out of the station I opened The URANTIA Book that my father had given me for Christmas when I was twelve. I figured I had better read a little of it if I expected to spend a month with a bunch of Urantia Book readers. I started at the beginning of section three, "The History of Urantia" (Earth). Other times when I had read The URANTIA Book , I would become intimidated and would stop reading in frustration. This time the book came alive. Most of my time on the train was spent with my nose buried in that big, blue book. It began to make sense to me, and I could grasp why my father believed in this revelation.
During my stay, I began to attend classes and read The Cosmic Family, Volume I . I was invited to sit in with Gabriel of Urantia & the Bright & Morning Star Band. My enthusiasm for studying The URANTIA Book continued. Spiritual values and concepts began to creep into my consciousness. Late one night, I looked around to make sure no one saw me, and, for the first time in my life, I knelt down and prayed an honest, unsolicited prayer. This was the conception of my belief in God and for me the beginning of the deepest and most meaningful relationship that we can have, the relationship with our Universal Father.
Thoughts began to come of joining Global Community Communications Alliance. I felt drawn to move to Sedona and join what I was beginning to recognize as my cosmic family. However, I also had to contend with my father's wishes for me to stay in Friday Harbor for two more years to finish my high school education. This conflict was instantly resolved as my father and I stood in one of the raised beds of the then fledgling Avalon Gardens. He broached the subject, "What would you think of moving down here?" "I thought you'd never ask," I said, as we broke out in tears and embraced in the garden.
No sooner was my decision to move solidified in my heart than I was allowed a personal audience transmission with Paladin, Chief of Finaliters. Celestial Overcontrol chose a dramatic blustery afternoon to reveal truths about my dramatic personality. When Paladin first said my cosmic name, Kazarian, it was followed by a loud clap of thunder. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that I was, and am destined to be Kazarian, 'artistically inclined.'
I found out that I am a fallen fourth-order starseed from the universe of Avalon and received confirmation that my destiny is in theater, music, and film. These art forms were not new to me. I have been involved in them in many lives and not just in this universe. I had indeed found my soul's work, but lost my true employer. My previous ambition had been to entertain the masses, a goal that only served my self. After my transmission, I felt compelled to serve God through the arts; to use my talents to uplift and enlighten others, to educate and entertain them, to serve by becoming an instrument of God.
My Angel of Enlightenment was introduced to me as "the uniqueness that walks with you." Her name is Pracella, the quiet one. I am generally a fairly gregarious individual, but there are times when I reflect her quietness; steady, assured, quiet. She works with me artistically, although I don't claim to know how. Her mysterious presence is very real to me. She has beckoned me to help others find their angels and to help them develop the unique relationships that can occur between mortals and the personalities of the spirit world.
Later in the transmission Paladin stressed the importance of personal responsibility. He stated "If you had ten million dollars to give away to help feed the poor in Rwanda, or if you can change just one attitude of resentment within you and become more loving, it would be better for you to become more loving than to give ten million dollars to feed the poor. That is the significance of coming out of sin. So you see, the evangelists who swing their Bibles are not so far from the truth. It is the way in which you swing that Bible or that URANTIA Book ; before you swing it, you better be living it."
I was not living it. Therefore I was contributing to the problems of the world. I began to confront my own complacency, the great global plague that numbs us and anesthetizes us with comfort. I became aware of my selfishness, the pointlessness of my trite desires and petty pursuits. And I learned about my arrogant pride, the erroneous concept that in my mind I am greater than I actually am. These sins and more brought a healthy dose of guilt to my heart and a motivation to change.
My parents raised me to right wrongs and to rectify that which has gone awry. As I began to realize how I had erred and strayed away from God's plan, I felt strongly that Sedona was right where God wanted me to be. By making the commitment to serve God, I hoped to gain his forgiveness and redeem myself in His eyes. I felt called with every fiber of my being to tackle God's will with enthusiasm and fiery zeal.
I
wish that I had understood the passage on page 1579 of
The URANTIA
Book
that reads, "One week of this varied experience did much
for the twelve; some even became over self-confident. At the last conference,
the night after the Sabbath, Peter and James came to Jesus, saying,
'We are ready—let us now go forth to take the kingdom.' To which
Jesus replied, 'May your wisdom equal your zeal and your courage atone
for your ignorance.'" Being very green in my spiritual walk, I
was both zealous and ignorant. There are many friends and family members
that I inadvertently hurt because I didn't know how to best communicate
the changes that I was experiencing. To many people my decision to move
to Sedona and join Global Community Communications Alliance seemed irrational, and
my religious ranting only furthered people's notions that I had gone
off the deep end. I lacked the wisdom to discern when to proclaim what
and when to just shut up.
One woman that I confused and sent into emotional turmoil was my mother. She was not ready for her sixteen-year-old baby bird to leave the nest. We had made a lot of plans after all. My mother and I still haven't driven Interstate 90 from coast to coast. We still haven't written that movie-lover's cookbook together. And I still haven't thanked her on national television in my Academy Awards speech. There were several tensioned times in the early days of my alignment with Global Community Communications Alliance Community. My mother didn't understand my decisions or my intense drive. I didn't understand my mother's sensitivity or her emotional depth. In many ways the time of separation was very healthy, it just occurred a little prematurely for my mother's taste.
For fear of losing her son to what she thought could be a potentially dangerous cult, Mom insisted that I attend public high school and receive my diploma. I conceded to that compromise for a time, but could not continue in the public school system. It is flawed and needs total reform. Students do not receive a balanced education, either in what or how they are taught. Teachers seldom have the opportunity to shine as brilliant educators. They are drastically underpaid and terribly unappreciated. Most education systems promote standardization, conformity, and mediocrity. Parents past, present, and future who find alternative ways to educate their children should be congratulated. They deserve a gold star. As for me, I dropped out of my junior year of high school. I completed tenth grade and still have no piece of paper to show how smart me is (just kidding).
Before moving, many people speculated that my decision was motivated by feelings of abandonment spurred by my father's move to Sedona. It was only natural in their minds that I would move to Arizona to be with him and keep him close. However, I have always been confident that my choice to join Global Community Communications Alliance has been purely volitional and has had nothing to do with subconscious psychological promptings. Veritable proof of this came a few years later.
In early April of 1997 my father and step-mother left Global Community Communications Alliance Community. They gave no notice, they did not discuss their departure, they just left, leaving behind a short hand-written note. This came as quite a surprise to me and the rest of my cosmic family. I did not sleep much that night. I was in prayer, debating my feelings and emotions. I questioned my motives. Perhaps those people who had said that I had moved to Sedona to be with my father were right. I examined my options. If I leave, I'll pack a small bag and hitchhike up to a friend's house in Flagstaff. I tried to discern what God wanted me to do. Then I was stuck. I had to stay, no matter what. Our Universal Father demands our total devotion. The relationship between a father and son is deep, but it cannot compare to the fathomless depth of the relationship between God and man. I recommitted myself to the doing of my Universal Father's will and to my mission of global change.
When I made my first commitment to God, it was because of the need I felt of personal recompense. It was several years later that I changed my view of why I continued to stay and serve the Mandate of the Bright and Morning Star. I was coming home from work one day listening to the news on the radio. The top story that day was of a school shooting in Springfield, Oregon. Tears began to pour down my face as I sat in the car listening to this horrible news. What kind of world do we live in when children can be killed just by going to school? I vowed not to cease in the struggle of change until all children are safe and the entire world can enjoy the same peace and comfort that I have experienced and more. There is no quitting for me in this mission. I will follow my elders, leaders, and teachers into the Divine New Order or I will perish in service.
Some people fear the idea of following. On this planet, finding men and women that are worth following is a miracle. I have found worthy leaders in Gabriel of Urantia and Niánn Emerson Chase. Like in any relationship, they have had to gain my trust. It has taken time for me to realize who they are and what their significance is to me and to Urantia. I have had to awaken to their Godly authority. This moment came for me with Gabriel one Sunday morning at one of our CosmoServices. He had asked me to improvise a quick skit with him for the community. I have been onstage enough in this life to know when a person has talent and when a person is working on their talent. Like many performers I can see who has got it, and who does not got it. It is hard for me to explain the depth of what theater means to me other than to say that I have known it from before the first performances on this planet. I know the stage. When I was onstage with Gabriel that morning I knew him. I realized that I was not just up there with another actor. He is a man of God, a noble man, a dignified knight, and a crusader of truth. I have not had many supernatural experiences in this life, no flying saucers or angelic visitations, but this dawning of insight into the soul of Gabriel of Sedona comes close. Onstage is where I first learned that the Mandate of the Bright and Morning Star is worthy of my trust, my honor, my loyalty, and much more.
In my process of learning what it means to be a change agent, I have gone though many phases. I have experienced self-imposed vows of silence while wearing little but an old brown blanket in my ultra-Franciscan Cosmo-Monk phase. I have explored the beauty of Sedona through excruciating twenty mile jaunts amongst the red rocks in my psycho-hiker mountain-man phase. I have dyed my hair nearly every color in the rainbow and shaved it all off in my extroverted, cosmic-punk phase. In many ways I am a clown, a trickster, a jester, a fool. Sometimes I have used this gift to serve others, but more frequently it has been used to draw attention to myself. This humorous side of me needed to be controlled and harnessed to serve people better.
In May 2001, I was blessed with an opportunity to participate in a sweat lodge with Gabriel of Urantia, American Indian leader Wallace Black Elk, and several others of my elders. It was my first sweat, a very moving and healing experience. In the prayer circle that followed the sweat we held a pipe ceremony. I decided that the jester within me had had his moments in the spotlight and it was time for me to become a brave, a spiritual warrior. As I breathed in the smoke, I prayed. As I exhaled, I let go of that clown that demanded so much attention. I breathed in my first breath as soldier of Christ, serious about my pursuit of truth and God. That fool is still within me awaiting orders to be mobilized as a tool to help people laugh and celebrate. He no longer runs rampant down the street, howling at the moon—which I had been known to do on occasion.
Many years ago, during my early teen years, my father sent me a card advising me that "Sex is good, don't do it; drugs are bad, don't do it; rock and roll is good, do it!" This was his advice to me about the birds and the bees. We are all sexual creatures with physical desires. Unfortunately people often put meeting those desires before the will of God. Many people would rather die than subject themselves to a vow of celibacy even for a limited period of time. I know of one individual who is scared to visit me just because he fears celibacy in his own life. When I made my commitment here I was well aware of the potential lack of sexual activity. Struggling with that reality has been a challenge, especially being a relatively young man. I'm sure that I will still enjoy a woman's touch, and I do look forward to not being celibate with an appropriate ascending daughter in the future. In the meantime, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot find my identity in my sexuality. One day I felt drawn to read Ernest Hemingway's novel The Sun Also Rises. The main character is Jake Barnes, an American expatriate living in France. I could relate to Jake because due to a war injury he was rendered impotent and thus, celibate. Through his narrative I explored my own process of abstinence. What if I were rendered impotent? I would be no less of a man. The quality of my character would not be affected. Like many young men, I had placed too much importance on sex because it brought me emotional security and physical pleasure. God can provide us with plenty of emotional security and spiritual pleasures that far exceed the temporal pleasures of the flesh.
We in Global Community Communications Alliance often finish our prayers with the suffix: for the common good of all, in the system of Satania. This part of our prayers is to remind us that we are not just praying for God's will to come to our planet. We are also praying for God's will to be made manifest on the nine-hundred ninety-nine neighboring planets in our local system. Each decision that we make affects not just those around us, but also our neighboring planets in time and space. We are all interdependent parts of God's great creation, and we are held responsible for our actions as well as our thoughts.
On this fallen world, Urantia, we must all do our part to aid in our planet's restoration. She is sick and needs healing. She has been wronged and needs to be avenged. Political leaders and warmongering soldiers cannot force the world back into balance. The balance will return when the people of this world become truly spiritual in their every thought and action. The planet needs a spiritual revolution: a Spiritualution.
Vicegerent Elder Rafeel often talks about the first thing that he was taught when he chose to be a light worker; that you have to accept that the seeds you plant may not bear fruit in your lifetime. I moved to Sedona when I was sixteen years-old with the promise of a mysterious change point, perhaps in May 2000 or 2001, but certainly within my lifetime, right? Well, May 2000 and 2001 have come and gone and although major changes occurred during those times, the major shift from the third to the forth dimension did not. How can I tolerate the disappointment? Will the planet ever see true global change? Have I wasted my life in fruitless labor? No.
A few years back I was bestowed with the honor of caring for one of the teenaged boys in the community. I really prayed hard how best to serve this mature young man who really didn't need much stewarding. I wanted to become a loving father-brother to him and tried to be the best example I could. We had always been close, but after I really considered myself to be father-like, we became family. He is the closest thing to a son that I have in my life and being an only child, the closest thing I have to a brother. Like any good father, I would lay down my life for his future. I would love to see a great transformation of our fallen world, but if my life should end before that metamorphosis takes place, I pray that it occurs for the next generation. I want no less for my "son," just as my mother would want no less for me.
The
relationship between my sweet mother and I has changed over the years.
She is no longer fearful of my lifestyle, and she genuinely enjoys her
visits to see me and the rest of our cosmic family. Beautiful realities
are often not recognized because it is difficult for people to go through
the process of exploration outside of their comfort zones. My mother
has opened up her heart and mind, and, because of that, she is at peace
with my reality. She accepts the fact that I have made a life-long commitment
of service. She recognizes my growth and honors the man that I have
become. And above all, she realizes that she had placed me in God's
hands long before I ever placed myself there. We all belong to God.
We may try to deny that fact or be totally ignorant of it, but when
all is said and done God still oversees our lives with the attention
of a caring, balanced father. He loves us and wants to see us become
great souls. We can become all that our Universal Father wants us to
become when we abandon our rebellious ways and submit to His perfect
plan. Could you too be called by Jesus Christ Michael to become a destiny
reservist? If so, you are of the first fruits that belong here at the
First Planetary Sacred Home. Cast away your personal plans and take
up that which God has arranged for you. His plans are more exciting,
more extensive, and more fulfilling. Imagine, you may be a part of the
great series of events that will cause this planet to shift and once
again become a world of God. Please, come home.
Kazarian,
Student
Global Community Communications Schools