Global Community Communications Alliance Member Profile
O'Breean
Hi! I'm O'Breean. I'm a second-time Urantian and had my last life around eight hundred years ago with Francis of Assisi. There are only two thousand second-timers on the planet over the age of eighteen, and in my life this meant I spent a lot of time trying to find out where I fitted in. I knew both new-light souls (first-time Urantians), and starseed souls, and I never understood where I belonged or who I really was. Because I didn't know or have confidence in who I was in God, I developed a mask to protect myself and hide behind and with this came a pretty good repertoire of unreal lower patterns as well.
One of the things I love about living, loving, and learning here at the First Planetary Sacred Home is our homework assignments. I never thought I'd come to place in my life after thirteen years of school and four years of university where I could sincerely say this to anyone, but that was before I had the privilege and pleasure of knowing Gabriel of Urantia and Niánn Emerson Chase, of working under the Mandate of the Bright and Morning Star and being a student in the Global Community Communications Schools that focus on self evaluation.
I'd like to share with you a poem I wrote for one of my classes in response to a question on identity. It is called:
Behind the Mask
Behind the mask her soul lies waiting for actualization.
She doesn't know where she's going,
but she knows where she's been alright
and she doesn't want to return there.
Only One can heal her personal loss
Only One can raise her spirit
Only One can ease her tired and aching heart
Don't hide your face you're saved by grace - take away the mask.
She didn't mean to make it.
She didn't mean to fake it all that time.
She didn't mean to hide behind false lies,
but when you get to the heart of the whole affair
it was her choice all along
and she is finally beginning to realize it.
Don't close your eyes to Mother's cries - take away the mask.
She is beginning to stir, but confusion runs deep.
"I thought I didn't belong here,
I thought I wasn't worthy of Your love,
I thought my face disappointed You.
How could I have been so wrong
as to sing rebellion's song in dio disharmonic
frequency
that was a pain to You as well as me."
Her old ways taunt her.
Pride and self pity taunt her.
"Poor me, poor me, poor me, poor me, poor me.
I thought less of myself than God wanted me to be.
I sabotaged and wasted my true identity.
The shame, the blame -
I forgot Your name and my longings fell on deaf ears
of sin."
"Then into my heart of darkness You shone Your light
and I could see my face illuminated.
My mask glowered with a goulish grin - "
‘I can suck you in' it seemed to say,
but the face did not want to go away.
The light was mysterious and alluring.
Reflective pools of beauty run deeper in her eyes
than anything the mask could let her feel.
"I know now I am real.
I am conceived of love and I conceive love.
I am absolute in being and my reality is absolute in
fact."
"Caligastia take that and that - you'll no more find a
friend in me.
Paradise Trinity sets me free
Michael lives a life in me."
"I am my Father's daughter -
He has given me grace and beauty and put His song in
my heart
and I will uphold my part for His sake
for I love Him more than any other thing
and I long to share the life that only He can bring."
"There is a voice in the wind that calls to me
in divine flight of cosmic family.
I am raised up on the wings of the dove
adrift in beauty, truth, goodness and love."
Her soul soars -
In the stillness she knows God is.
This poem reflects
my struggles and personal growth and reveals how my relationship with Christ
Michael, my beloved Jesus, and the Universe Mother Spirit of Nebadon really
changed my life and gave me the chance to find out who the real me is,
my true identity, and my highest calling and destiny. To make real
and honest changes is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do in my
life. I just thank God that He's right there to help me jump that
next hurdle. He's the best friend I've ever known.
I have struggled
in my life to find right relationships to others. As I grew up I
never had anyone who took the role of my spiritual leader. I had,
and still have, many beautiful friends and family members from whom I have
learned many incredible and special things, including my own wonderful
parents, but when it came to my spirituality there was a void. When
I was four years old I wanted to go to a church across the road from us
and would walk over by myself on Sunday mornings. As a teenager I
was a boarder at a religious girls' school and every Sunday we had to put
on our school uniform and march in pairs three blocks to church.
We sang songs and prayed in a very stiff and mindal way, and while many
of the people were sincere, I did not think they were living a dynamic
religious life from Monday to Saturday. My friends seemed mainly
nonchalant about it all, but I sensed there was something really out of
order. In contrast, I wanted to stand up and shout and praise God
like a gospel singer. I felt the Holy Spirit shaking me, and I wanted
to boogie.
By the time I was in college I had come to believe that God was more of a universal consciousness. I wouldn't acknowledge the term "God" because of how I had seen it abused in secular Christianity, yet I was always searching to fill that spiritual void, and I was aching to find others who felt the same way. The trouble was that everyone said I went too deep for them. Because I had no sense of my real identity in God, I couldn't find any solution to the pain I felt in my heart, and didn't know how to address others about the pain I knew that they felt too.
After college I had a busy life of working hard, playing hard and continuing my search for that spiritual something. I delved into Reiki, meditation and a plethora of self-help and personal growth philosophies. I met many marvelous, strange and wonderful people, but no one could explain my mounting questions, and nothing could satisfy my spiritual hunger.
I could sense something was building in the world, and my search for the truth intensified. I was concerned about the state of the planet and the environment and earth changes and the growing gap between the rich and the poor and how to help the homeless and starving people of the world. I didn't like what I'd heard about "Big Brother" and "his" impersonal plans for each one of us. When I was asked about my goals in life I would say I wanted to change the world. This surprised many people. "What's wrong with things the way they are?" "It's been like this for centuries—the rich and the powerful come and go." "Nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to change. It's a waste of time." I felt like a lone voice crying out in the wilderness until God reached out His loving hand to me and showed me the way.
In March of 1995 I left my homeland of New Zealand to travel the world with my backpack on my back, barely two cents to rub together, and a strong sense that everything would be all right. An incredible series of serendipities had led me up to this point, and I can honestly say if they hadn't happened to me personally, I would find them hard to believe, yet there I was safely touched down in Phoenix, Arizona when a friend handed me a bunch of pamphlets she'd picked up on Global Community Communications Alliance that day. I discovered I was planning to be in Sedona the weekend they were having a seminar. I arrived here pretty green. I knew nothing about The Urantia Book , The Divine New Order , and The Cosmic Family, and I didn't know anyone in the community, yet when I arrived in Sedona I felt like I'd come home.
Finally my questions were beginning to be answered. Often that answer came in the form of an honest and sincere "I don't know" and the humility of my teachers stood out blatantly from the prideful "I know everything" mentality I had encountered in so called "spiritual circles" before. For the first time I had real spiritual elders and experienced true Godly leadership here at Global Community Communications Alliance, and that was the catalyst for me to begin to make positive and lasting changes in my life. Seemingly my search had ended, but I now know it has just begun as I start to grow in my God-given personality in an ascension that will continue on to Paradise.
Now I am discovering who I am in God. I know I have so much to learn about God and about me. Because I have this understanding in my own soul, my relationships with others are right, and I can begin to know them more as God knows them. I know Christ Michael—I've seen how He loves me even when I don't love myself; how He reaches out to me even when I don't deserve it; and how He changes my life and makes it better each and every day. His Spirit of Truth joys in showing me His secrets, and if I can be His vessel in sharing the secrets I have learned with another, then there is hope for my soul and this world.
I see so much of God in the cosmic family members here in Global Community Communications Alliance. I continue to be inspired and challenged in a fantastic myriad of ways, and I know, together, we are creating a Divine New Order. I have been blessed by God with a beautiful complement, a husband who helps me to understand who I am as an ascending daughter because he is right with God in who he is as an ascending son. I have also been blessed by two special little boys, and it brings true joy to my heart to know that they are growing up in a new society where the foundation of their reality is based upon cosmic absolutes being actualized within a loving extended family of higher consciousness. I want this reality for you and your children, and it is my continued prayer that our little world, Urantia, will know true peace on earth and that there will be goodwill between all people as our Creator Son, Jesus Christ Michael intended from the beginning.
Love,
O'Breean,
Student
Global Community Communications Schools
I'm coming up on my 10 year anniversary in Divine Administration. My decision to join Global Community Communications Alliance Community was a surprise, a shock, and of concern to many of my family and friends for they didn't, and still don't, understand the walk of a spiritual path. And in many ways I didn't either so I guess I am pretty amazed myself as I look back on the past years. I'd known for a long time that I wanted to help change the world and it's not like you read the job description of a destiny reservist in the local help wanted adds, so I had no conception of how that was going to happen. I just started walking on that path one foot in front of the other. And here I am now, a little older and a little wiser (little being a very relative term), and I know that life is so much more real and beautiful than what I ever allowed myself to believe it could be.
I am a mom with three kids-six, four, and nine months. I do laundry, and teach elementary school, I do more laundry, and go to meetings, I act, I direct and write plays, I do laundry, and change diapers, and clean house, and cook, and nursery care, and go to classes, and try to squeeze a little sleep in between the kids and talking to my darling complement while I'm folding the laundry. But on the inside there is so much joy and peace that comes with letting God into my dark places and shining his light on my smallness and lowliness, warming me up so that I thaw out from the iciness of my rebellion. Man it's hard to get real because you're not raised to know what true reality is. How can you have a life without a relationship with the Creator of all life? Are you honestly satisfied with who you have become? Have you ever thought that you could be more than what you are? Have you ever attempted to actualize your potential? Do you have a life? Do you know what I mean?
I ask myself all kinds of questions daily as I seek to confront the error in me. I ask God a lot of questions too. "What are you thinking, God, mandating me a minister of Divine Administration? I'm so full of it. I'm so limited in my scope of vision and my capabilities. I make so many mistakes. I don't understand this and that. I'm, I'm, I'm…" He just smiles down on me in my lowliness. I mean He's got the big plan and He knows what's around the corner and down the street and that's why I'm walking on His path. That's why I'm on His team and I trust Him and have faith in the world and in the future. Things are heating up on the planet. These are indeed the end times. But He knows that and I know Him and my goal for the next ten years is to get to know Him better.
Love,
O'Breean